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PROFESSOR: When last we met, I
think, you have to remind me

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of this, I put the bits on the
handout that I didn't have

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from last time, but we talked
about --if you look at the

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hand out-- we talked about
what I'm calling the

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psychopathelogical theory of
love, and the chemical theory

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of attraction.

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I seem to recall that we
finished up last time talking

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about the shaky bridge.

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So, that allows me to start
today talking about social

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exchange theory.

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I put the other stuff on there
because I felt bad about not

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having it on there last time.

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But we'll start in the top
middle of the page two.

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And, the question here continues
to be, how do we

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explain why a particular
relationship happens?

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The evolutionary theory is
good for saying something

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about broad forces, but now we
want to know something about

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why specific relationships
happen and do not happen.

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And, I can think of no better
place to begin then with me as

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a high school freshman.

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The reason that I'm explaining
this as me as a high school

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freshman, I made up this example
a few years ago to

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illustrate the point that
I wanted to make.

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I ran through this elaborate
scenario about high school

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freshman stuff like that.

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And then I gave your
predecessors a choice.

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Did he do A, or did he do B?

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Somebody raised their hand.

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He said B. I said no, that's
the wrong answer.

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And, at that point, I realized
I've been giving

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autobiography.

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So I thought I might as well
just go with straight

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autobiography.

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All right, you've got to imagine
this high school

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freshman, who you can imagine
was kind of short, and nerdy,

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but good in English.

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I'm just noticing, as the
gentleman in the white shirt

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over there moves things around,
Google has these, how

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to use your brain things.

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What's the actual title on it?

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AUDIENCE: How to care for your
big, wonderful, high

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performing brain.

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PROFESSOR: Yes.

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How to care for your
big wonderful

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high performing brain.

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If you find one of those around
campus, over half the

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people have them, I realize you
all want to go work for

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Google, but an entertaining act
might be to see how many

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of the little factoids and stuff
you think are directly

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contradicted or directly
contradict the contents of

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this course.

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There are a variety of
oddities on that.

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But, it's not bad, and you
should send your resume to

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Google and become rich and
famous, rather than just being

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a nerdy high school freshman,
who was good in English.

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So I was in Sophomore
Honors English.

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Great.

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In Sophomore Honors English was,
at least through the fog

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of memory, a very beautiful,
very brilliant cheerleader and

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woman person.

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And, if we return to the
psychopathology theory of

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love, I was pretty infatuated
with her.

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The pick A or B question is A,
I let her know that this

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infatuated guy was sort of
sitting next to her in class

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whenever possible.

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And, we had a perfectly nice
high school relationship.

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Or, B, she managed to graduate
from high school presumably

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completely unaware that
I had been deeply

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infatuated with her.

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How many people vote for A. How
many people vote for B?

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Why isn't John Kerry voting?

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You would think of all people,
he ought to be voting,

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wouldn't you?

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[APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER]

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PROFESSOR: He does have
excellent hair.

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All right.

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Look John, stop grinning at
me, we can't all marry

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billionaires.

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[APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER]

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PROFESSOR: All right, so the
intuition of the vast, cruel

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bulk of you is correct.

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I suspect, in her life,
I kept sort of turning

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up like a bad penny.

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I was continuously around.

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But, there was no relationship
there.

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Why not?

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What was my problem?

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We won't ask for vast details.

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All right, we'll ask
for some details.

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AUDIENCE: Fear?

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PROFESSOR: Fear works.

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But the last example
we had Romeo there.

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He was presumably scared
out of his little

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wits more or less.

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Yeah.

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AUDIENCE: [INAUDIBLE]

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look at her from afar.

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PROFESSOR: I like that.

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That sounds good.

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Self- confidence.

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I think I won't pursue this
further, because I may learn

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way more than I want to know
about exactly why I should

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have been fearful.

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Low self- confidence
and otherwise.

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But, the fact is I didn't
do nothing.

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The other fact that occurs to
me, is that, it would be

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entirely possible by this
point, that her son or

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daughter could be
a student here.

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Yeah.

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I heard good deep intake
of breath there.

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There's a scary thought.

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The intuition is clear.

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Let's flip the example around,
and ask suppose that this

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gorgeous and brilliant high
school sophomore was attracted

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to this nerdy, little high
school freshman or

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something like that.

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Would she do anything about
that, one way or the other?

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Let's do the A or B vote.

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How many vote that she would
say, let's go out together,

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and that his hair would
curl or something.

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How many vote, yes,
she would do that.

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How many vote no?

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OK.

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Well little more divided.

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There's more chance that maybe
she would say something, but

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the majority goes with
the no, or the, I'm

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not voting on this.

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I voted once today already.

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Maybe I voted twice.

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But, anyway.

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The why would be ok.

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But, why not?

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What's wrong here?

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Economics.

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Either we're sitting here
reading the hand out, or he's

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on to something.

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Where's economics, Matt.

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AUDIENCE: [INAUDIBLE]

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her kinds of values
would go down.

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PROFESSOR: Oh.

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We don't have to make this
quite so specific, do we?

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[LAUGHTER]

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PROFESSOR: I should add, this
would be deeply pathetic if

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since high school, I've been a
broken and pathetic person who

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never formed a meaningful
relationship with another

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person, and I was still
waiting for her.

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But, when I did finally get
engaged to somebody, my dear

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sister's first reaction,
was sort of like that.

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Which was, how did you ever get
somebody so attractive to

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go with you?

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And, my mother's first reaction,
-- we were going to

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be engaged for two years because
we've been reading up

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this was a long time ago, before
evolutionary psych was

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big, but we were ahead of the
curve, and we knew that she

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had to be a couple of years
younger than me, because she

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needed to be evolutionarily
fit.

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Anyway, she was two years
younger than me.

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I was already up here
in grad school.

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She was still at Princeton as an
undergrad, so we would get

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married two years later
when she graduated.

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My mother's first declaration
on this subject was that if

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anything happens to the
relationship in the

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intervening two years, she was
keeping Julie, my wife, and

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getting rid of me.

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So, you may be on to
something there.

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Yes.

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AUDIENCE: In high school, women
generally didn't ask

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guys out --

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PROFESSOR: OK

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00:10:00,890 --> 00:10:02,610
I could have flipped
this around and

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00:10:02,610 --> 00:10:03,730
change the genders here.

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But there's a possibility of a
social norm that the women

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don't ask men.

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But, I will assert that there
would have been a certain

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amount of discomfort if it'd
been a gorgeous, brilliant

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00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:25,830
male cheerleader, Hey, don't
knock it, my sister- in- law

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married one of those.

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00:10:29,190 --> 00:10:31,570
University of Michigan, you
know, gorgeous male

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cheerleaders are right there.

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I don't know.

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How is the MIT male

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cheerleading squad a big thing?

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No.

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OK.

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Anyway, I think there would be
a certain ambivalence about

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this relationship even if we
switched the genders on it.

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Any other comments on this?

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00:10:59,470 --> 00:11:08,420
Well, let me assert that this
sort of relationship feels

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uncomfortable because we have
a very deeply seated desire

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00:11:16,570 --> 00:11:18,970
for relationships to
be reciprocal.

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If you want to account for my
failure to ask this young

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woman out, in economic terms,
you could imagine that what I

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did was, I looked in
my romance wallet.

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And, I said, I don't you
enough to afford this

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00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:42,990
relationship.

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00:11:42,990 --> 00:11:44,730
Not in strictly economic
terms.

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00:11:44,730 --> 00:11:48,720
But I don't have enough
status for this.

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I'm a freshman.

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00:11:49,610 --> 00:11:50,560
She's a sophomore.

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00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:52,720
Made a big difference
at that point.

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00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:54,960
You know, she's this,
I'm this.

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00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,650
She's this, I'm this.

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00:11:56,650 --> 00:11:58,910
This isn't going to work.

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00:11:58,910 --> 00:12:02,720
But, it also doesn't
work like this.

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00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:11,260
If you've got too much in the
bank, in a sense, there's a

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00:12:11,260 --> 00:12:17,700
discomfort that has to do with
unbalanced relationships.

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00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:21,240
And there seems to be a very
deeply seated notion that

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00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,870
relationships need to be
appropriately reciprocal.

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00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:27,150
Now this isn't just
about romance.

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00:12:27,150 --> 00:12:32,270
If I open the door for you,
you'd say, thank you.

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00:12:32,270 --> 00:12:37,430
Now that's a very simple sort of
thing but, it suggests that

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00:12:37,430 --> 00:12:47,060
you feel a need to reciprocate
for whatever act

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00:12:47,060 --> 00:12:48,530
might come your way.

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00:12:53,400 --> 00:13:00,440
In the sub culture in which I
live, if I invite somebody

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00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:03,800
over to my house for dinner,
their reflective response is

220
00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:06,570
to say, what can I bring?

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00:13:06,570 --> 00:13:12,610
Not because they have some
notion that the larder is bare

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00:13:12,610 --> 00:13:13,760
at home, and if they
don't bring

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00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,990
something, there's no dinner.

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00:13:15,990 --> 00:13:18,980
But there's is a notion that
needs to be reciprocal.

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00:13:18,980 --> 00:13:22,570
Quite typically, my response
would be, oh you don't need to

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00:13:22,570 --> 00:13:24,360
be to bring anything.

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00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,760
And, quite typically
nevertheless, whoever's coming

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00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:30,850
over would bring something
anyway.

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00:13:30,850 --> 00:13:34,210
Now you get into interesting
problems.

230
00:13:34,210 --> 00:13:36,940
The exact nature of what is
and is not reciprocately

231
00:13:36,940 --> 00:13:42,630
appropriate, seems to have a
strong cultural overlay.

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00:13:42,630 --> 00:13:48,930
This was brought home to me by
a tale my parents told me,

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00:13:48,930 --> 00:13:53,390
which was, a few years ago,
new neighbors moved in.

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00:13:53,390 --> 00:13:56,810
And, so my parents, being nice
people, brought them over a

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00:13:56,810 --> 00:13:59,090
welcome to the neighborhood
gift.

236
00:13:59,090 --> 00:14:00,000
I don't know what it was.

237
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,800
But they brought over
a little gift.

238
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:02,580
That's nice.

239
00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:06,220
But the people who moved
in were Japanese.

240
00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:10,580
The Japanese cultural
expectation was, if you get a

241
00:14:10,580 --> 00:14:13,030
gift, you have to give a gift.

242
00:14:13,030 --> 00:14:16,870
So, they gave my parents
a gift the next day.

243
00:14:16,870 --> 00:14:20,980
But, my parents' expectation
wasn't that they'd get a gift,

244
00:14:20,980 --> 00:14:26,530
so if they got a gift, there's
now a reciprocal demand here.

245
00:14:26,530 --> 00:14:30,010
So, they gave the neighbors
another gift.

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00:14:30,010 --> 00:14:32,850
At least by the time you get my
mother's rendition of this,

247
00:14:32,850 --> 00:14:34,510
it sounded like the
end of this was

248
00:14:34,510 --> 00:14:36,390
sort of medieval warfare.

249
00:14:36,390 --> 00:14:40,090
You know, lobbing gifts
over the fence.

250
00:14:40,090 --> 00:14:41,140
Stop it already!

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00:14:41,140 --> 00:14:45,180
AUDIENCE: [LAUGHTER]

252
00:14:45,180 --> 00:14:47,370
PROFESSOR: All of these examples
point out that

253
00:14:47,370 --> 00:14:53,070
there's a deep- seated notion,
that we don't like one- sided

254
00:14:53,070 --> 00:14:54,000
relationships.

255
00:14:54,000 --> 00:15:02,220
We like relationships that are
reciprocal in some fashion.

256
00:15:02,220 --> 00:15:06,440
And the reciprocation needs
to match the original act.

257
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:10,140
If I invite you to dinner and
you throw yourself on your

258
00:15:10,140 --> 00:15:15,910
face, and swear eternal fealty
to me, that's reciprocal, but

259
00:15:15,910 --> 00:15:17,070
that's odd.

260
00:15:17,070 --> 00:15:24,220
That's out of proportion,
and wouldn't be right.

261
00:15:24,220 --> 00:15:28,600
The efforts to make these
intuitions, into something

262
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:31,540
more than intuition, into a
systematic theory, one of the

263
00:15:31,540 --> 00:15:35,360
efforts is known as social
exchange theory.

264
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:40,350
It is an effort to talk about
social relationships in terms

265
00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:44,520
that borrow from common
sense economic terms.

266
00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:49,360
Where, one of the goals is
to maximize your profits.

267
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:52,630
There are benefits.

268
00:15:52,630 --> 00:15:53,410
There's the income side.

269
00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:57,580
There's the cost side, and your
profits are going to be

270
00:15:57,580 --> 00:15:59,880
something like the subtraction
of the

271
00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:02,150
costs from the benefits.

272
00:16:02,150 --> 00:16:07,190
Now, costs and benefits in
social exchange are not going

273
00:16:07,190 --> 00:16:10,000
to be in strictly monetary terms
by any stretch of the

274
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,470
imagination.

275
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:19,410
Benefits in social exchange can
be tangible like dinner.

276
00:16:19,410 --> 00:16:27,290
They can be intangible like a
compliment of some variety.

277
00:16:27,290 --> 00:16:30,270
Oh that's a lovely, yellow
t- shirt with some cool

278
00:16:30,270 --> 00:16:31,230
description on it.

279
00:16:31,230 --> 00:16:31,490
Right.

280
00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:35,080
I just added to the plus
side of his ledger.

281
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,420
Of course, I've also added to
the minus side, because I've

282
00:16:37,420 --> 00:16:39,870
directed attention to him, and
now, he's embarrassed.

283
00:16:39,870 --> 00:16:40,840
Everybody's looking at him.

284
00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:42,780
AUDIENCE: You're not getting
anything back!

285
00:16:42,780 --> 00:16:43,960
PROFESSOR: I'm not getting
anything back.

286
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:47,380
No reciprocal here, at all.

287
00:16:47,380 --> 00:16:48,660
I just got something back.

288
00:16:51,300 --> 00:16:53,950
Well, anyway.

289
00:16:53,950 --> 00:16:55,720
And, they can be internal.

290
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:58,420
The benefits could be internal,
like a feeling of

291
00:16:58,420 --> 00:17:00,060
self-worth.

292
00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:02,680
Some boost in morale,
something like that.

293
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:04,970
All these would be things
on the plus side.

294
00:17:04,970 --> 00:17:08,550
And, quite different than just
economic transaction.

295
00:17:08,550 --> 00:17:11,140
And, the same on
the minus side.

296
00:17:11,140 --> 00:17:14,270
You could have a physical minus
if someone smacks you,

297
00:17:14,270 --> 00:17:17,450
or something like that.

298
00:17:17,450 --> 00:17:24,210
An intangible minus; I won't
pick somebody out, because

299
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:27,870
that would be rude, but did
you get enough sleep last

300
00:17:27,870 --> 00:17:29,760
night, or something like that?

301
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,670
It sort of suggests that you
don't look so good, and you

302
00:17:32,670 --> 00:17:34,370
think, I did get a lot
of sleep last night.

303
00:17:34,370 --> 00:17:36,510
Maybe I just don't
look so good.

304
00:17:36,510 --> 00:17:40,090
And, it could be internal.

305
00:17:40,090 --> 00:17:42,110
You know, a feeling of
diminished self- worth, or

306
00:17:42,110 --> 00:17:42,950
something like that.

307
00:17:42,950 --> 00:17:46,620
And then you've got your
profits that are the

308
00:17:46,620 --> 00:17:49,530
difference between those.

309
00:17:49,530 --> 00:17:53,050
There is a necessary, at least
at this stage of any sort of

310
00:17:53,050 --> 00:17:57,560
model development, there is a
necessary imprecision here.

311
00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:02,490
Dinner minus two insults
equals what?

312
00:18:02,490 --> 00:18:04,600
It's clear that at least
a decent dinner

313
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:05,800
is on the plus sign.

314
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:07,160
The insults on the minus side.

315
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,020
But you can't do the calculation
the way you would

316
00:18:09,020 --> 00:18:13,020
do a profit loss statement
in economics.

317
00:18:13,020 --> 00:18:17,160
So suffice it to say that in its
present state, the model

318
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:21,280
is qualitative, more
then quantitative.

319
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:24,420
But, rather like evolutionary
psych, the promise is, or the

320
00:18:24,420 --> 00:18:26,700
hope would be, that you
could move in a more

321
00:18:26,700 --> 00:18:30,140
quantitative direction.

322
00:18:30,140 --> 00:18:35,680
Do people actually do any sort
of math of this sort?

323
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:38,890
Well you can get some intuition
about that perhaps

324
00:18:38,890 --> 00:18:43,630
by asking yourself about some
sort of a scenario.

325
00:18:43,630 --> 00:18:50,670
Like, you go to the polls today,
you're in line, and you

326
00:18:50,670 --> 00:18:58,380
see this guy who you think you
saw voting earlier in the day,

327
00:18:58,380 --> 00:19:00,290
when you voted the first time.

328
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:06,120
So, what do you do?

329
00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:10,290
Now, you could challenge him
or not challenge him or

330
00:19:10,290 --> 00:19:11,330
something like that.

331
00:19:11,330 --> 00:19:14,000
And ask yourself, what would
determine that decision?

332
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,190
You'd sort of run down
a mental checklist.

333
00:19:16,190 --> 00:19:21,620
If I challenge him I might get
it sort of a tangible benefit

334
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:24,720
of preserving the democratic
process in some fashion.

335
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:28,690
I get an intangible set of
compliments from people all

336
00:19:28,690 --> 00:19:34,690
around me about my bold stand
for ballot integrity, and I'd

337
00:19:34,690 --> 00:19:36,550
get this great feeling
of self-worth.

338
00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:41,610
On the other hand,
I might be wrong.

339
00:19:41,610 --> 00:19:44,030
He might punch me.

340
00:19:44,030 --> 00:19:48,350
And, my neighbors in line, might
simply derive me for

341
00:19:48,350 --> 00:19:53,510
being a stupid busybody, and it
doesn't really matter what

342
00:19:53,510 --> 00:19:54,770
your answer is.

343
00:19:54,770 --> 00:20:01,500
The point is that this sort of
cost- benefit analysis has the

344
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:05,840
feeling of the thing that we do,
not explicitly, not on a

345
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:10,250
piece of paper with a check
list, but the thing that we do

346
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:12,010
quite automatically.

347
00:20:14,510 --> 00:20:17,160
The notion that you want to
maximize your profits is only

348
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:24,570
one of the core tenants of
social exchange theory.

349
00:20:24,570 --> 00:20:26,880
You know that because the
handout, I think,

350
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,940
lists three of them.

351
00:20:28,940 --> 00:20:31,150
One of them is to maximize
your profits.

352
00:20:31,150 --> 00:20:31,650
Oh, there it is.

353
00:20:31,650 --> 00:20:33,530
It says, "Three Tenants Of
Social Change Theory.

354
00:20:33,530 --> 00:20:35,160
Maximize Your Profits."

355
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,960
The second one is the notion
that the profits for both

356
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:40,650
sides in an exchange should
be roughly equal.

357
00:20:40,650 --> 00:20:45,550
That's the embodiment of this
notion of reciprocity.

358
00:20:45,550 --> 00:20:51,130
We don't like relationships
where you maximize your

359
00:20:51,130 --> 00:20:56,560
profits by exploiting the
other party to the

360
00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:57,490
relationship.

361
00:20:57,490 --> 00:21:01,730
And the third one, that we
haven't talked about yet, is

362
00:21:01,730 --> 00:21:06,570
that for a relationship to last,
it's gotta be better

363
00:21:06,570 --> 00:21:08,710
than the perceived
alternatives.

364
00:21:12,150 --> 00:21:14,150
The plus or minus of
that checklist

365
00:21:14,150 --> 00:21:18,730
is not itself adequate.

366
00:21:18,730 --> 00:21:22,080
If you think about this in
boring economic terms.

367
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:25,730
You've got a pile of money
in this account.

368
00:21:25,730 --> 00:21:30,350
It's making 1%, so you're
making money.

369
00:21:30,350 --> 00:21:34,180
But, you see that there's this
other opportunity over here,

370
00:21:34,180 --> 00:21:36,970
to make 5%.

371
00:21:36,970 --> 00:21:38,320
Well, what are you going
to do with your money.

372
00:21:41,180 --> 00:21:42,140
You're going to move it over.

373
00:21:42,140 --> 00:21:42,900
Look at that.

374
00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:44,580
Not only did I get a
sweatshirt out the

375
00:21:44,580 --> 00:21:47,050
deal, I got a nickel.

376
00:21:47,050 --> 00:21:48,090
And, a cute little pink thing.

377
00:21:48,090 --> 00:21:49,880
He left the coin he flipped.

378
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,130
This is a great day.

379
00:21:55,150 --> 00:22:00,720
So, the same logic applies in
social exchange theory to

380
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:01,720
relationships.

381
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:07,490
So you're in a relationship
that's getting you a net

382
00:22:07,490 --> 00:22:13,530
profit, with this perfectly
nice person.

383
00:22:13,530 --> 00:22:18,370
You see this other person, and
you say, I could get 5% on my

384
00:22:18,370 --> 00:22:20,910
relationship over here.

385
00:22:20,910 --> 00:22:21,640
What do you do?

386
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:25,000
Now we'll come back later in
the lecture to the possible

387
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,770
problematical nature
of that tenant of

388
00:22:27,770 --> 00:22:29,080
social exchange theory.

389
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:32,820
But, the important point for now
is, it's not just that you

390
00:22:32,820 --> 00:22:35,840
want to be running positive, not
negative, you want to be

391
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:39,270
running as positively as
possible, and you're looking

392
00:22:39,270 --> 00:22:42,040
at your alternatives to see
how you can do that.

393
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:45,360
Now, this sounds, particularly
by the time we start talking

394
00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:49,620
about moving your investment
from one person to the next

395
00:22:49,620 --> 00:22:52,030
person, terribly crass.

396
00:22:52,030 --> 00:22:57,010
Is there any evidence that
people use is this sort of

397
00:22:57,010 --> 00:23:03,970
quasi- economic calculation
in romance?

398
00:23:03,970 --> 00:23:09,070
In making romantic attachments
with other people?

399
00:23:09,070 --> 00:23:12,490
There have been a number of
experiments that have

400
00:23:12,490 --> 00:23:15,370
endeavored to look for evidence
for social exchange

401
00:23:15,370 --> 00:23:21,520
theory principles in the
settings of romantic type

402
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:22,460
relationships.

403
00:23:22,460 --> 00:23:25,970
And I want tell you about
a few of them.

404
00:23:25,970 --> 00:23:31,440
That's why I've got all these
cute little boxes on the

405
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:34,830
handout that allow you to plot
out the results, the

406
00:23:34,830 --> 00:23:37,890
predictions and the results.

407
00:23:37,890 --> 00:23:43,880
So, let me tell you about one of
the earlier great efforts.

408
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:46,980
Down on the handout is the great
computer match dance.

409
00:23:46,980 --> 00:23:51,770
Here's the way it works.

410
00:23:51,770 --> 00:23:56,450
In the early days of computers,
signs go up on

411
00:23:56,450 --> 00:24:02,170
campus for a big dance but the
thing is you're not supposed

412
00:24:02,170 --> 00:24:03,620
to invite anybody.

413
00:24:03,620 --> 00:24:06,380
You're not supposed to take
your date to this dance.

414
00:24:06,380 --> 00:24:08,860
What you're going to do, is
you're going to come fill out

415
00:24:08,860 --> 00:24:13,320
this big form, collecting
buckets of information on you,

416
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:20,810
your GPA, your height, your
weight, family income, all

417
00:24:20,810 --> 00:24:21,940
sorts of stuff.

418
00:24:21,940 --> 00:24:24,140
And, the people on the other
side of the table, when you're

419
00:24:24,140 --> 00:24:28,000
doing this, are looking at
you, and rating your

420
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:31,150
attractiveness, on a scale
from like 1 to 10 or

421
00:24:31,150 --> 00:24:32,410
something like that.

422
00:24:32,410 --> 00:24:36,590
And, then all this goes into a
good 1960's style computer, so

423
00:24:36,590 --> 00:24:40,340
it's big computer with lots of
lights that flash on it, and

424
00:24:40,340 --> 00:24:43,640
out the other end is going to
come out the person you are

425
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:47,550
matched with to go
to the dance.

426
00:24:47,550 --> 00:24:47,960
OK.

427
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:49,620
Got the basic set up here?

428
00:24:49,620 --> 00:24:54,500
So we've got the male.

429
00:24:54,500 --> 00:24:57,540
He can be rated on some scale.

430
00:24:57,540 --> 00:25:00,310
You've got the female.

431
00:25:00,310 --> 00:25:05,270
She can be rated on
a similar scale.

432
00:25:05,270 --> 00:25:13,770
And, the story here, is that
we've matched you up with the

433
00:25:13,770 --> 00:25:19,770
perfect person for you in
some fashion or other.

434
00:25:19,770 --> 00:25:21,430
Actually, I don't think they
told you that this was the way

435
00:25:21,430 --> 00:25:22,260
it's going to be done.

436
00:25:22,260 --> 00:25:23,320
It is some complicated
algorithm.

437
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:27,790
The fact is the complicated
algorithm was to flip coins.

438
00:25:30,460 --> 00:25:34,900
The pairings were completely
random.

439
00:25:34,900 --> 00:25:39,660
So, the data on any dimension
that you looked for, were

440
00:25:39,660 --> 00:25:46,900
designed that male and female
ratings would be uncorrelated.

441
00:25:46,900 --> 00:25:47,420
OK.

442
00:25:47,420 --> 00:25:49,260
Now you have the dance.

443
00:25:49,260 --> 00:25:53,920
And, the question is, this being
the 60's, the issue of

444
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:56,340
males asking females rather than
the other way around, is

445
00:25:56,340 --> 00:25:59,250
a much more straightforward
societal norm.

446
00:25:59,250 --> 00:26:02,800
The question they asked was
which males asked which

447
00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:07,890
females out again for
another date?

448
00:26:07,890 --> 00:26:10,790
What's the social exchange
prediction here?

449
00:26:14,650 --> 00:26:15,450
That's a hand?

450
00:26:15,450 --> 00:26:22,640
AUDIENCE: [UNINTELLIGIBLE]

451
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:23,890
PROFESSOR: Yes.

452
00:26:30,210 --> 00:26:37,810
People should sort themselves
in some fashion to produce

453
00:26:37,810 --> 00:26:41,070
essentially reciprocal balanced
relationships.

454
00:26:41,070 --> 00:26:50,660
So, this quadrant is the me
not asking her out in high

455
00:26:50,660 --> 00:26:56,800
school neighborhood, and
this is the reverse.

456
00:26:56,800 --> 00:27:01,350
Her not asking me out
hypothetical relationship.

457
00:27:01,350 --> 00:27:03,160
But these are the matched
relationships

458
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,290
that ought to work.

459
00:27:05,290 --> 00:27:09,080
In fact, this experiment
is a bomb.

460
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:10,890
It doesn't work out
the way social

461
00:27:10,890 --> 00:27:13,840
exchange theory predicted.

462
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:16,640
So, you look at the
correlational data for all

463
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:20,470
sorts of variables, and it
turns out that the only

464
00:27:20,470 --> 00:27:26,150
variable that makes any
difference is ratings of

465
00:27:26,150 --> 00:27:31,340
female attractiveness, and
the data look like this.

466
00:27:38,870 --> 00:27:41,970
Basically females who
were rated as more

467
00:27:41,970 --> 00:27:44,260
attractive got asked out.

468
00:27:44,260 --> 00:27:47,080
What's going on here?

469
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:50,730
So the answer is
there's a fatal

470
00:27:50,730 --> 00:27:51,980
methodological flaw here.

471
00:27:54,330 --> 00:27:55,500
There're two possibilities.

472
00:27:55,500 --> 00:27:59,720
One is that social exchange
theory is wrong.

473
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:03,920
But If I thought that were the
case, then why would I bother

474
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:07,310
to lecture about it, at least
in this sort of detail.

475
00:28:07,310 --> 00:28:10,210
The other possibility is
the experiment had a

476
00:28:10,210 --> 00:28:11,470
methodological flaw.

477
00:28:11,470 --> 00:28:13,190
So what's the problem?

478
00:28:13,190 --> 00:28:16,480
Why didn't this work out?

479
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:18,220
Oh, Out in the cheap seats,
next John Kerry there.

480
00:28:18,220 --> 00:28:24,850
AUDIENCE: People thought that
they were well matched.

481
00:28:24,850 --> 00:28:26,100
PROFESSOR: That's good.

482
00:28:26,100 --> 00:28:29,470
Usually I get half a dozen
bizarre ideas did before

483
00:28:29,470 --> 00:28:31,470
somebody hits on
the right idea.

484
00:28:31,470 --> 00:28:34,270
But good for you, you got
the right idea first.

485
00:28:34,270 --> 00:28:36,750
The problem is with
the cover story.

486
00:28:36,750 --> 00:28:39,320
It's not people specifically
who are the problem.

487
00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:41,000
It's guys.

488
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:49,220
The guys thought, so you gotta
imagine a guy here.

489
00:28:49,220 --> 00:28:56,040
So if this is the scale of
attractiveness, so here's ugly

490
00:28:56,040 --> 00:29:03,120
guy, ugly guy has thought all
along that he was, I've got a

491
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:10,220
warm heart, but I'm ugly, and
then see, this high tech

492
00:29:10,220 --> 00:29:13,650
computer, spits out
your perfect

493
00:29:13,650 --> 00:29:16,020
match, and she's gorgeous.

494
00:29:16,020 --> 00:29:22,825
It's the economics of romance
equivalent to looking into the

495
00:29:22,825 --> 00:29:25,560
wallet and discovering you've
got a whole bunch of 20's you

496
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:28,140
didn't know were there.

497
00:29:28,140 --> 00:29:34,790
And so everybody decided that
they were well matched, and

498
00:29:34,790 --> 00:29:42,350
this had it's biggest effect on
the guys who had previously

499
00:29:42,350 --> 00:29:44,385
thought that they didn't have
that much in the bank, and

500
00:29:44,385 --> 00:29:47,060
they thought well, I guess
I can afford this.

501
00:29:47,060 --> 00:29:49,140
They all asked out the--

502
00:29:49,140 --> 00:29:54,000
what we don't know, by the
way, which of these phone

503
00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:57,260
calls actually ended up in a
date, and or relationship.

504
00:29:57,260 --> 00:30:01,830
The social change prediction
would have to be that only

505
00:30:01,830 --> 00:30:03,790
these would have survived.

506
00:30:03,790 --> 00:30:05,960
But we can come back
to that minute.

507
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:11,880
Anyway, the experiment's a bust,
because the cover story

508
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:13,540
gives people the wrong idea.

509
00:30:13,540 --> 00:30:19,850
This makes an interesting point
about these valuations.

510
00:30:19,850 --> 00:30:24,210
They're based on your perception
in relationship

511
00:30:24,210 --> 00:30:28,080
space, they're based on your
perception of the other, and

512
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:30,780
your perception of yourself.

513
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:42,780
We have met males, for instance,
who consider

514
00:30:42,780 --> 00:30:47,400
themselves to be God's gift to
women, against the evidence.

515
00:30:50,900 --> 00:30:54,450
If you have a systematic
misperception of your own

516
00:30:54,450 --> 00:31:00,500
value, you're going to end up
in the non- social exchange

517
00:31:00,500 --> 00:31:03,960
part of this space.

518
00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:07,980
And, then, the question becomes
whether or not its a

519
00:31:07,980 --> 00:31:09,480
self- correcting system.

520
00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:19,080
If you think that you are a 10
on every scale, and you keep

521
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:23,650
asking people who are by your
assessment also 10's on every

522
00:31:23,650 --> 00:31:27,340
scale, and they keep saying no
to you, does that eventually

523
00:31:27,340 --> 00:31:31,520
cause you to come up with a more
realistic assessment of

524
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:36,110
who you might actually be
in this marketplace.

525
00:31:36,110 --> 00:31:37,180
Well.

526
00:31:37,180 --> 00:31:39,150
We haven't got any evidence
if this works at all yet.

527
00:31:39,150 --> 00:31:42,130
Let's go find ourselves an
experiment that doesn't have

528
00:31:42,130 --> 00:31:44,410
this fatal flaw in it.

529
00:31:44,410 --> 00:31:46,700
Did I give this a clever
name of something sort?

530
00:31:46,700 --> 00:31:46,910
No.

531
00:31:46,910 --> 00:31:48,670
It just says, let's try again.

532
00:31:48,670 --> 00:31:55,010
So, here's this Kizler and
Barrel experiment, that works

533
00:31:55,010 --> 00:31:57,970
as follows.

534
00:31:57,970 --> 00:32:04,510
You go into a psych lab to do
what you think is some sort of

535
00:32:04,510 --> 00:32:06,890
a cognitive experiment.

536
00:32:06,890 --> 00:32:08,680
The task don't matter.

537
00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:13,780
You're doing this task, broken
into two halves.

538
00:32:13,780 --> 00:32:15,650
You're a guy.

539
00:32:15,650 --> 00:32:21,990
And, at the end of the first
half, you're going to take a

540
00:32:21,990 --> 00:32:24,020
break, and you're giving
some feedback

541
00:32:24,020 --> 00:32:26,140
about how you're doing.

542
00:32:26,140 --> 00:32:29,230
The feedback is either
of the form, wow.

543
00:32:29,230 --> 00:32:30,680
You did really well on that.

544
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:32,530
Most people don't get scores
that are that good.

545
00:32:32,530 --> 00:32:34,670
You're really good at
this sort of thing.

546
00:32:34,670 --> 00:32:40,880
So that's a good, self-
esteem boosting

547
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:42,320
kind a bit of feedback.

548
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:45,700
Or, you're given feedback of the
form, did you get enough

549
00:32:45,700 --> 00:32:47,000
sleep last night?

550
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:54,120
Most people get a
higher score.

551
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:55,920
Well, never mind.

552
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:56,420
It's OK.

553
00:32:56,420 --> 00:32:57,670
Let's take a break.

554
00:32:57,670 --> 00:33:04,370
And so you've gotten the
bad information.

555
00:33:04,370 --> 00:33:07,450
Now, needless to say,
this is a set up.

556
00:33:07,450 --> 00:33:11,570
What information you get is
uncorrelated with your score.

557
00:33:11,570 --> 00:33:13,400
So, you may have done
brilliantly.

558
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:14,770
You may have done badly.

559
00:33:14,770 --> 00:33:18,710
You have no idea how people do
on this task in general.

560
00:33:18,710 --> 00:33:22,400
And, and the experimenter has
flipped a coin and arbitrarily

561
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:25,390
assigned you to the high
self- esteem or low

562
00:33:25,390 --> 00:33:26,770
self- esteem group.

563
00:33:26,770 --> 00:33:29,450
That's the manipulation
of the male.

564
00:33:29,450 --> 00:33:30,510
This is the guy.

565
00:33:30,510 --> 00:33:36,520
Now, we're going to
go have a snack.

566
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:38,660
You and the experimenter
go off to the

567
00:33:38,660 --> 00:33:45,340
cafeteria to have a snack.

568
00:33:45,340 --> 00:33:53,100
And, you get some food, sit
down at the table, and a

569
00:33:53,100 --> 00:33:56,750
female friend of the
experimenter comes and says,

570
00:33:56,750 --> 00:33:59,210
Hi, can I sit down with you?

571
00:33:59,210 --> 00:34:01,510
And, the experimenter
says Hi, sure.

572
00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:09,130
A female person comes
in two flavors.

573
00:34:09,130 --> 00:34:11,800
As you might guess from
this two by two thing.

574
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:15,900
There's only one female here,
but the manipulation here is

575
00:34:15,900 --> 00:34:20,220
she's either looking good,
or she's looking bad.

576
00:34:24,770 --> 00:34:26,750
I don't think, I've ever seen
pictures of this, so I don't

577
00:34:26,750 --> 00:34:31,870
quite know how they did this,
but the idea is that she's

578
00:34:31,870 --> 00:34:36,370
arranged herself to look
attractive, or comparatively

579
00:34:36,370 --> 00:34:38,080
unattractive.

580
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:41,030
Same person, so you know no
personality variables

581
00:34:41,030 --> 00:34:43,170
changing, and a fairly
tight script.

582
00:34:43,170 --> 00:34:46,630
And, at this point, the
experimenter says, I need to

583
00:34:46,630 --> 00:34:48,610
go rinse a few things out.

584
00:34:48,610 --> 00:34:49,690
I'll be right back.

585
00:34:49,690 --> 00:34:51,750
You two talk.

586
00:34:51,750 --> 00:34:56,600
And, so this woman, also an
experimenter is sitting there.

587
00:34:56,600 --> 00:35:02,390
And the data for this experiment
are any indications

588
00:35:02,390 --> 00:35:09,390
of romantic interest on
the part of the guy.

589
00:35:09,390 --> 00:35:12,450
Does he ask for her phone number
would be a sort of a

590
00:35:12,450 --> 00:35:13,670
transparent kind of thing.

591
00:35:13,670 --> 00:35:17,110
But there's a long checklist of
things that he might do or

592
00:35:17,110 --> 00:35:19,950
say that would indicate some
sort of interest, And, you're

593
00:35:19,950 --> 00:35:27,720
just making little check marks
presumably relatively subtly.

594
00:35:40,180 --> 00:35:47,010
The trivial social exchange
prediction is he's feeling

595
00:35:47,010 --> 00:35:49,630
good, she's looking good.

596
00:35:49,630 --> 00:35:51,990
It must be love,
kind of thing.

597
00:35:51,990 --> 00:35:59,410
And this the cell that gets
the highest number of

598
00:35:59,410 --> 00:36:01,410
indications of interest.

599
00:36:01,410 --> 00:36:08,510
The question is where's the
second highest set of marks in

600
00:36:08,510 --> 00:36:09,770
this experiment.

601
00:36:09,770 --> 00:36:12,910
And the answer is down here.

602
00:36:12,910 --> 00:36:17,900
She's looking bad,
he's feeling bad.

603
00:36:17,900 --> 00:36:21,670
It must be a match.

604
00:36:21,670 --> 00:36:23,920
And, these two lag behind.

605
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:26,210
I don't know which one
is three and which

606
00:36:26,210 --> 00:36:28,560
one is four, actually.

607
00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:34,180
But the important point
is that there are more

608
00:36:34,180 --> 00:36:40,590
indications of interest here,
has would be predicted by a

609
00:36:40,590 --> 00:36:43,960
social exchange theory that's
looking for matching.

610
00:36:48,780 --> 00:36:51,620
This is the case where you
looked in your wallet and you

611
00:36:51,620 --> 00:36:55,540
discovered that you actually
had a couple less twenties

612
00:36:55,540 --> 00:37:00,830
then you though, but you still
want to buy something.

613
00:37:00,830 --> 00:37:03,370
And, well I guess.

614
00:37:03,370 --> 00:37:08,310
Doesn't this sound terrible?

615
00:37:08,310 --> 00:37:11,680
It not only sounds terrible,
it sounds a little on the

616
00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:15,500
artificial side.

617
00:37:15,500 --> 00:37:20,450
Is there any evidence that
this happens in a more

618
00:37:20,450 --> 00:37:22,140
realistic setting?

619
00:37:22,140 --> 00:37:29,950
And the effort to figure that
out was done with the

620
00:37:29,950 --> 00:37:31,320
realistic setting of large

621
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:34,640
introductory psychology classes.

622
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:39,280
So, large intro psych class, I
think maybe Minnesota, or Ohio

623
00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:42,380
State someplace where they
had a huge intro class.

624
00:37:42,380 --> 00:37:46,830
And, what they did was, they a
largely freshman class, they

625
00:37:46,830 --> 00:37:51,910
looked for who formed
relationships.

626
00:37:51,910 --> 00:37:55,250
So, let's go just like the
computer match dance thing,

627
00:37:55,250 --> 00:37:57,440
but we'll take the relationships
first, and work

628
00:37:57,440 --> 00:37:58,610
backwards from that.

629
00:37:58,610 --> 00:38:06,860
So they got like 213 I think,
couples, out of intro psych.

630
00:38:06,860 --> 00:38:09,530
And, they did the
same business.

631
00:38:09,530 --> 00:38:11,160
Rated them on attractiveness.

632
00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:16,250
Rated them on everything
under the sun.

633
00:38:16,250 --> 00:38:18,230
SAT scores.

634
00:38:18,230 --> 00:38:20,610
Religion and all
sorts of stuff.

635
00:38:20,610 --> 00:38:23,090
And, scatter plot the data.

636
00:38:23,090 --> 00:38:31,170
What you find is that these
freshman pairing were not

637
00:38:31,170 --> 00:38:32,070
highly correlated.

638
00:38:32,070 --> 00:38:36,030
They weren't random, like if you
randomized in the computer

639
00:38:36,030 --> 00:38:36,730
match thing.

640
00:38:36,730 --> 00:38:45,970
There are factors that
did correlate.

641
00:38:45,970 --> 00:38:48,000
But, they weren't particularly
striking.

642
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:52,430
But now, let's ask, so we've got
some cloud of data points

643
00:38:52,430 --> 00:38:56,520
again, with perhaps some
positive correlation to it.

644
00:38:56,520 --> 00:39:00,760
Let's come back two years
later, and ask,

645
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:03,450
who is still together?

646
00:39:03,450 --> 00:39:06,370
And, what you find, two years
later, I don't remember how

647
00:39:06,370 --> 00:39:09,050
many were still together, but
of the ones who are still

648
00:39:09,050 --> 00:39:15,610
together, now essentially all
of the variables correlated.

649
00:39:15,610 --> 00:39:21,570
So, you could pick anything
you liked, SAT scores,

650
00:39:21,570 --> 00:39:27,110
religion, looks, socio-economic
status, and now

651
00:39:27,110 --> 00:39:30,500
it's not that it all lay on the
line of unit slope, it's

652
00:39:30,500 --> 00:39:33,820
not that somehow you went
through State University of

653
00:39:33,820 --> 00:39:36,930
Minnesota or something like
that, and you found the one

654
00:39:36,930 --> 00:39:42,380
person who had exactly the
same SAT scores as you.

655
00:39:42,380 --> 00:39:45,940
And, their parents
made exactly the

656
00:39:45,940 --> 00:39:46,820
same amount of money.

657
00:39:46,820 --> 00:39:51,230
And you were exactly
the same height.

658
00:39:51,230 --> 00:39:52,180
No.

659
00:39:52,180 --> 00:39:55,660
What you've got is it's still
a big cloud of data points,

660
00:39:55,660 --> 00:39:59,030
but now, all the variables are
positively correlated.

661
00:40:02,230 --> 00:40:06,150
Well, what's the cliche here?

662
00:40:06,150 --> 00:40:07,400
I'll give you a hint.

663
00:40:09,700 --> 00:40:10,650
Thank you.

664
00:40:10,650 --> 00:40:14,020
Birds of a feather flock
together would be the sort of

665
00:40:14,020 --> 00:40:17,650
punch line of this experiment.

666
00:40:17,650 --> 00:40:20,260
There may have been a degree
of noise in the initial

667
00:40:20,260 --> 00:40:23,500
assortment, but the
relationships that lasted

668
00:40:23,500 --> 00:40:31,050
where the relationships where
the birds of a feather were

669
00:40:31,050 --> 00:40:31,970
flocking together.

670
00:40:31,970 --> 00:40:36,880
And that hand is going to
say, but, Thank you.

671
00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:42,680
Next thing on the handouts
says the other cliche is

672
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:43,790
opposites attract.

673
00:40:43,790 --> 00:40:49,690
Now the thing about cliches is
that cliches don't get to be

674
00:40:49,690 --> 00:40:52,090
cliches unless there
is an element of

675
00:40:52,090 --> 00:40:53,890
truth in there somewhere.

676
00:40:53,890 --> 00:40:58,190
In the element of social
exchange theory, truth in

677
00:40:58,190 --> 00:41:02,580
opposites attract is that
opposites attract when they

678
00:41:02,580 --> 00:41:05,510
increase each other's profits.

679
00:41:05,510 --> 00:41:09,910
So, this sense in which
opposites attract is she

680
00:41:09,910 --> 00:41:12,210
talks, he listens.

681
00:41:12,210 --> 00:41:15,760
From the outside, it may look
like, my goodness, he talks

682
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:16,340
all the time.

683
00:41:16,340 --> 00:41:18,940
She talks all the time.

684
00:41:18,940 --> 00:41:21,240
And, she never says a word.

685
00:41:21,240 --> 00:41:23,230
How can they how can
they live together?

686
00:41:23,230 --> 00:41:25,690
Well, the answer is its great
deal easier probably, to live

687
00:41:25,690 --> 00:41:30,070
together that way, then if they
both talk all the time.

688
00:41:30,070 --> 00:41:33,730
Those two birds of a feather are
going to drive each other

689
00:41:33,730 --> 00:41:35,710
sort of nuts.

690
00:41:35,710 --> 00:41:38,860
And, he's a great cook.

691
00:41:38,860 --> 00:41:40,110
She's a great eater.

692
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:48,490
Or, at least an appreciative
audience or something.

693
00:41:48,490 --> 00:41:51,120
That is the sense in which
opposites attract.

694
00:41:57,280 --> 00:42:03,260
You can ask yourself about
roommate issues, where there's

695
00:42:03,260 --> 00:42:07,120
a certain amount of random
assortment of people.

696
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:11,680
I gather here, you pick your
roommate on the basis of

697
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:14,350
sketchy information
when you arrive.

698
00:42:14,350 --> 00:42:18,020
Is that the current scheme?

699
00:42:18,020 --> 00:42:21,950
So, it's a sort of a courtship
on the basis of limited

700
00:42:21,950 --> 00:42:23,110
information.

701
00:42:23,110 --> 00:42:26,920
Anyway, when you discover that
even though you were

702
00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:29,460
correlated on a bunch of
variables, it turns out that

703
00:42:29,460 --> 00:42:31,100
there are few variables
that really matter.

704
00:42:31,100 --> 00:42:34,380
Like person A is a slob.

705
00:42:34,380 --> 00:42:36,190
Person B is a neatness freak.

706
00:42:36,190 --> 00:42:39,420
That ain't an opposites attract
kind of situation.

707
00:42:39,420 --> 00:42:41,740
There's a couple of head
shaking around here,

708
00:42:41,740 --> 00:42:45,290
saying I know that.

709
00:42:45,290 --> 00:42:50,200
Or, in our lab, she wants
it to be 80 degrees.

710
00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:52,860
I wanted to be about
50 degrees.

711
00:42:52,860 --> 00:42:54,870
That ain't opposites attract.

712
00:42:54,870 --> 00:42:55,700
But there we have it.

713
00:42:55,700 --> 00:42:59,810
This is also not reciprocal,
asymmetrical, relationship,

714
00:42:59,810 --> 00:43:02,300
where I'm the boss, and I get
to play with the thermostat

715
00:43:02,300 --> 00:43:06,600
first, unless Kristen gets in
first, in which case, it's

716
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:12,330
tropical season in the lab.

717
00:43:12,330 --> 00:43:14,800
Anyway, the problem is she
got numbers on her side.

718
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:16,730
The other people in the lab,
seem to like it hot.

719
00:43:16,730 --> 00:43:18,540
I don't understand them.

720
00:43:18,540 --> 00:43:27,030
Anyway opposites attract, in
these romantic relationships

721
00:43:27,030 --> 00:43:32,130
when they increase each
other's profits.

722
00:43:32,130 --> 00:43:39,830
That's a useful, complication
to keep in mind.

723
00:43:39,830 --> 00:43:43,810
It's not just a matter of we
all rate each other on all

724
00:43:43,810 --> 00:43:46,310
these scales, and then
pick the closest

725
00:43:46,310 --> 00:43:47,940
thing to exactly us.

726
00:43:47,940 --> 00:43:50,550
That's not what's going on.

727
00:43:50,550 --> 00:43:55,340
That's going to end up being one
factor, but there's a more

728
00:43:55,340 --> 00:44:00,230
general factor of what you're
looking for are relationships

729
00:44:00,230 --> 00:44:03,620
that are profitable and roughly
equally profitable for

730
00:44:03,620 --> 00:44:08,420
both sides in the
relationship.

731
00:44:18,230 --> 00:44:18,950
Let's see.

732
00:44:18,950 --> 00:44:23,350
I think I couched the next
bits as the problem set.

733
00:44:23,350 --> 00:44:26,080
The social exchange
problems set.

734
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:31,000
Let's let's turn to that after
taking a brief break here.

735
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:45,930
Let me say a quick word.

736
00:47:45,930 --> 00:47:48,090
I got a couple of questions
about the syllabus.

737
00:47:48,090 --> 00:47:49,820
Let me say quick word
about this.

738
00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:55,955
The chapters that are assigned
at the moment for instance are

739
00:47:55,955 --> 00:47:58,730
the chapters on social
psychology.

740
00:47:58,730 --> 00:48:02,130
Like any topic here,
huge area.

741
00:48:02,130 --> 00:48:04,870
I'm taking a love and romance
cut through it.

742
00:48:04,870 --> 00:48:08,210
So I think, for instance, you'll
find stuff about social

743
00:48:08,210 --> 00:48:13,310
exchange theory in the book,
but not particularly

744
00:48:13,310 --> 00:48:15,240
necessarily in this
sort of straight

745
00:48:15,240 --> 00:48:17,840
love and romance track.

746
00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:25,750
I'm assigning chapters that's
are, it'll be less obvious

747
00:48:25,750 --> 00:48:29,040
that the book and I are marching
in lock step then it

748
00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:31,260
might have been for the memory
chapter, or something.

749
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:37,920
Somebody pointed out that the
sleep and dreams lecture has

750
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:41,770
associated with that a chapter
that seems to be

751
00:48:41,770 --> 00:48:42,830
about mental illness.

752
00:48:42,830 --> 00:48:45,330
Well that's because sleep and
dreams going to be connected

753
00:48:45,330 --> 00:48:47,130
with Freudian interpretation
of dreams.

754
00:48:47,130 --> 00:48:51,400
It's all part of talking about
Freud and psychoanalysis, so

755
00:48:51,400 --> 00:48:56,240
that's the most relevant
chapter at the moment.

756
00:48:56,240 --> 00:48:58,880
It'll be less true for this half
the course then for the

757
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:02,180
first half of course, that
there's an absolute clear

758
00:49:02,180 --> 00:49:07,610
match between the set of topics
in lecture one day and

759
00:49:07,610 --> 00:49:10,130
the set of topics in the
accompanying chapter.

760
00:49:10,130 --> 00:49:12,870
They will talk to each other,
but they will not match up

761
00:49:12,870 --> 00:49:17,990
quite as tightly as they might
have earlier in the course.

762
00:49:21,220 --> 00:49:25,370
Let's do a few social exchange
sort of problems.

763
00:49:25,370 --> 00:49:28,690
One of these is the problem
of bad relationships.

764
00:49:28,690 --> 00:49:32,360
One of the mysteries on the
face of it is why would

765
00:49:32,360 --> 00:49:35,710
somebody stay in a relationship

766
00:49:35,710 --> 00:49:40,370
that's running a deficit.

767
00:49:40,370 --> 00:49:43,850
Perhaps the clearest example of
this is why would a woman

768
00:49:43,850 --> 00:49:46,970
stay in an abusive
relationship?

769
00:49:46,970 --> 00:49:51,750
I pick a woman because while
there are males who are abused

770
00:49:51,750 --> 00:49:54,990
in heterosexual relations, and
other males who are abused in

771
00:49:54,990 --> 00:50:00,310
homosexual relations, the bulk
of abused partners in

772
00:50:00,310 --> 00:50:01,710
relationships are women.

773
00:50:01,710 --> 00:50:05,640
But, why would anybody stay in
an abusive relationship?

774
00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:08,070
Why would a woman stay in
an abusive relationship?

775
00:50:08,070 --> 00:50:11,380
That's where this third tenant
of social exchange

776
00:50:11,380 --> 00:50:13,020
theory comes in.

777
00:50:13,020 --> 00:50:17,270
The social exchange answer to
the question is you would stay

778
00:50:17,270 --> 00:50:20,390
in a bad relationship if you
couldn't see a better

779
00:50:20,390 --> 00:50:22,630
alternative.

780
00:50:22,630 --> 00:50:25,730
And, so, if you imagine a
hypothetical situation of

781
00:50:25,730 --> 00:50:29,060
somebody in an abusive
relationship, maybe she's got

782
00:50:29,060 --> 00:50:33,350
a couple of kids, and while she
was raising these kids,

783
00:50:33,350 --> 00:50:35,280
she's not working.

784
00:50:35,280 --> 00:50:37,030
So, what's she going to do?

785
00:50:37,030 --> 00:50:40,010
You know, if she leaves,
what's she going

786
00:50:40,010 --> 00:50:41,310
to do with the kids?

787
00:50:41,310 --> 00:50:42,500
How's she going to
feed herself.

788
00:50:42,500 --> 00:50:44,810
Et cetera.

789
00:50:44,810 --> 00:50:49,870
Part of the logic of things like
shelters for abused women

790
00:50:49,870 --> 00:50:56,380
is a logic of giving an
alternative that looks better

791
00:50:56,380 --> 00:50:57,830
then the state you're in now.

792
00:50:57,830 --> 00:51:03,280
There's nobody saying that
living in a shelter for abused

793
00:51:03,280 --> 00:51:06,190
women is a relationship
that's running a great

794
00:51:06,190 --> 00:51:07,690
big positive score.

795
00:51:07,690 --> 00:51:11,320
But if it's running less of a
negative then the relationship

796
00:51:11,320 --> 00:51:18,800
that you in, you might get out
of the abusive relationship.

797
00:51:21,330 --> 00:51:25,720
That's part of what drives
this notion that it's

798
00:51:25,720 --> 00:51:30,700
important, not just what the
sign of your profit- loss

799
00:51:30,700 --> 00:51:35,140
statement is, but what the
alternatives that you

800
00:51:35,140 --> 00:51:36,080
perceive are now.

801
00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:41,450
And the you perceive part is
important here too, because we

802
00:51:41,450 --> 00:51:45,360
all know people who are in
relationships where you from

803
00:51:45,360 --> 00:51:48,490
the outside look at this
relationship and you think you

804
00:51:48,490 --> 00:51:51,610
know that's not a good
relationship.

805
00:51:51,610 --> 00:51:52,410
Why is he in that?

806
00:51:52,410 --> 00:51:54,110
Why is she in that?

807
00:51:54,110 --> 00:52:00,520
But, if they see it as the best
current possibility, that

808
00:52:00,520 --> 00:52:05,380
in social exchange theory, will
be relatively stable.

809
00:52:05,380 --> 00:52:08,020
Now, these next two are sort
of related to each other.

810
00:52:08,020 --> 00:52:13,490
Who has power in a relationship,
and who works

811
00:52:13,490 --> 00:52:15,710
harder in a relationship.

812
00:52:15,710 --> 00:52:18,050
In a sense, they are sort of
reciprocal of each other.

813
00:52:18,050 --> 00:52:18,880
Who works harder?

814
00:52:18,880 --> 00:52:21,400
The person with less power.

815
00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:24,710
Let's do this through
a cartoon.

816
00:52:27,690 --> 00:52:33,060
It's another sort of cliched
relationship out there.

817
00:52:33,060 --> 00:52:37,260
Young, beautiful woman.

818
00:52:37,260 --> 00:52:41,710
And old, less- than-
beautiful guy.

819
00:52:41,710 --> 00:52:47,580
What's the other part of the
description of the guy.

820
00:52:47,580 --> 00:52:48,750
Rich.

821
00:52:48,750 --> 00:52:50,000
Why?

822
00:52:53,150 --> 00:52:56,820
We need a hand here.

823
00:52:56,820 --> 00:52:58,210
Nobody's got a clue.

824
00:53:01,850 --> 00:53:05,222
AUDIENCE: That gives him a way
in which he doesn't have to

825
00:53:05,222 --> 00:53:07,150
work all the time --

826
00:53:07,150 --> 00:53:12,220
PROFESSOR: Well this perception
that she's bringing

827
00:53:12,220 --> 00:53:16,030
more to the relationship
than he is, right?

828
00:53:16,030 --> 00:53:17,530
She, in a sense, has power.

829
00:53:17,530 --> 00:53:21,730
If she looks around and what
are my alternatives?

830
00:53:21,730 --> 00:53:25,180
Here I am.

831
00:53:25,180 --> 00:53:27,370
Beautiful.

832
00:53:27,370 --> 00:53:30,060
I'm hanging out here.

833
00:53:30,060 --> 00:53:32,790
Gee, I ought to be able,
if I look at my

834
00:53:32,790 --> 00:53:36,740
alternatives, to move here.

835
00:53:36,740 --> 00:53:41,610
So I have a certain power to
move if I'm this young

836
00:53:41,610 --> 00:53:44,290
beautiful female person,
hypothetically.

837
00:53:44,290 --> 00:53:49,070
And, what he's got to do, the
reason he's gotta work hard is

838
00:53:49,070 --> 00:53:51,040
to prevent that movement.

839
00:53:51,040 --> 00:53:53,350
Well, how do you prevent
that movement?

840
00:53:53,350 --> 00:53:57,690
One way to do it is
to increase --

841
00:53:57,690 --> 00:53:59,330
well actually, I suppose not
to prevent that movement --

842
00:53:59,330 --> 00:54:02,220
it's to make that movement
within the relationship that

843
00:54:02,220 --> 00:54:04,730
you're in now.

844
00:54:04,730 --> 00:54:10,750
If she's a 10, and he's a 1 or
2 or something, he's gotta

845
00:54:10,750 --> 00:54:12,190
make himself into a 10.

846
00:54:12,190 --> 00:54:13,700
How's he make himself
into a ten?

847
00:54:13,700 --> 00:54:15,150
He can't make himself
young, he can't

848
00:54:15,150 --> 00:54:16,290
make himself beautiful.

849
00:54:16,290 --> 00:54:20,360
What he's gotta do is in the
cliche version, shower her

850
00:54:20,360 --> 00:54:24,330
with diamonds and furs, or
something like that,

851
00:54:24,330 --> 00:54:28,590
increasing the benefits that
she's getting in this

852
00:54:28,590 --> 00:54:32,210
relationship, so that other
relationships don't look more

853
00:54:32,210 --> 00:54:33,320
attractive.

854
00:54:33,320 --> 00:54:38,230
So, the basic notion is that
if you're bringing less

855
00:54:38,230 --> 00:54:43,140
apparent stuff to the
relationship, your partner is

856
00:54:43,140 --> 00:54:46,380
sitting there saying, I could
do better, at least

857
00:54:46,380 --> 00:54:47,190
hypothetically.

858
00:54:47,190 --> 00:54:49,810
And you're sitting there saying,
if I don't want him or

859
00:54:49,810 --> 00:54:54,640
her to go elsewhere, I've gotta
to be more loving, or

860
00:54:54,640 --> 00:55:00,000
I've gotta cook better, or I've
gotta do something here.

861
00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:04,330
So I'm the one who's
got to work hard.

862
00:55:04,330 --> 00:55:10,360
And, the other is the one
with the power there.

863
00:55:10,360 --> 00:55:18,120
Now, are romantic relationships
really just this

864
00:55:18,120 --> 00:55:21,030
crass economic kind of thing?

865
00:55:21,030 --> 00:55:22,360
Sounds pretty grim.

866
00:55:22,360 --> 00:55:28,310
Well, there are important
differences between economic

867
00:55:28,310 --> 00:55:30,230
exchange and social exchange.

868
00:55:30,230 --> 00:55:33,100
One of them we've already
pointed to, which is the fact

869
00:55:33,100 --> 00:55:37,030
that the economic costs and
benefits are typically much

870
00:55:37,030 --> 00:55:42,060
more calculate-able than
the social ones.

871
00:55:42,060 --> 00:55:46,440
That's the dinner minus
two insults problem.

872
00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:52,260
The other one that I point out
here, is that the rules of

873
00:55:52,260 --> 00:55:55,300
negotiation, what's permissible
as negotiation in

874
00:55:55,300 --> 00:56:03,160
economic exchange, is considered
desperately gauche,

875
00:56:03,160 --> 00:56:09,200
not done in social relations.

876
00:56:09,200 --> 00:56:14,990
You just wouldn't have a
conversation that says you can

877
00:56:14,990 --> 00:56:20,030
come up to my at room later
if you take me to dinner.

878
00:56:20,030 --> 00:56:20,550
OK.

879
00:56:20,550 --> 00:56:22,480
What kind to dinner
do you want?

880
00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:26,230
Well, you gotta take me to
a four star restaurant.

881
00:56:26,230 --> 00:56:26,990
No way.

882
00:56:26,990 --> 00:56:29,820
We'll go to Burger King.

883
00:56:29,820 --> 00:56:31,270
No.

884
00:56:31,270 --> 00:56:34,650
How about three stars,
three stars.

885
00:56:34,650 --> 00:56:36,930
All right, how about
the two star Thai

886
00:56:36,930 --> 00:56:38,170
place down the street?

887
00:56:38,170 --> 00:56:38,560
Oh.

888
00:56:38,560 --> 00:56:39,360
OK.

889
00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:42,200
It's a deal but you can only
come up for 20 minutes.

890
00:56:45,790 --> 00:56:58,500
That sort of haggling in
strictly economic terms is not

891
00:56:58,500 --> 00:57:03,600
considered mainstream
romance mostly.

892
00:57:03,600 --> 00:57:09,190
It's also not really mainstream
US economics

893
00:57:09,190 --> 00:57:10,960
haggling these days, either.

894
00:57:10,960 --> 00:57:15,510
If you go to Target and want to
argue about the price of a

895
00:57:15,510 --> 00:57:17,340
toaster oven or something,
they're not actually going to

896
00:57:17,340 --> 00:57:19,850
be that interested.

897
00:57:19,850 --> 00:57:25,290
But, in those places in the
economic sphere, where

898
00:57:25,290 --> 00:57:34,960
haggling is still permissible, a
talented haggler, a talented

899
00:57:34,960 --> 00:57:40,150
negotiator will work hard
to be your friend.

900
00:57:40,150 --> 00:57:41,440
Why?

901
00:57:41,440 --> 00:57:44,890
Because the clearest example
that I know of in American

902
00:57:44,890 --> 00:57:47,050
economic life is car
dealerships.

903
00:57:47,050 --> 00:57:48,190
Go to a car dealership.

904
00:57:48,190 --> 00:57:49,870
You will do this one
of these days.

905
00:57:49,870 --> 00:57:51,190
Go to a car dealership.

906
00:57:51,190 --> 00:57:54,630
The guy who comes out --
typically a guy-- who comes

907
00:57:54,630 --> 00:57:59,240
out to sell you a car is going
to be your best buddy almost

908
00:57:59,240 --> 00:58:00,490
instantaneously.

909
00:58:02,740 --> 00:58:03,990
Very nice, friendly guy.

910
00:58:03,990 --> 00:58:04,550
Why?

911
00:58:04,550 --> 00:58:06,270
Well, maybe he's a very
nice, friendly guy.

912
00:58:06,270 --> 00:58:08,270
We shouldn't disparaged
that possibility.

913
00:58:08,270 --> 00:58:13,710
But, the other reason is, that
if you behave to him as though

914
00:58:13,710 --> 00:58:18,870
you are in a social exchange,
while he knows perfectly well,

915
00:58:18,870 --> 00:58:22,080
that what you are doing is an
economic exchange, he's going

916
00:58:22,080 --> 00:58:23,260
to make money.

917
00:58:23,260 --> 00:58:25,050
Because you are disabled.

918
00:58:25,050 --> 00:58:28,790
You cannot argue with your
friend about money in the way

919
00:58:28,790 --> 00:58:31,690
you can argue with somebody
in a strictly

920
00:58:31,690 --> 00:58:36,210
economic market place.

921
00:58:36,210 --> 00:58:39,440
So he's going to
be your friend.

922
00:58:39,440 --> 00:58:43,320
You're going to come to a nice
friendly agreement, and then,

923
00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:47,340
it turns out that after you have
made this deal, that's

924
00:58:47,340 --> 00:58:48,030
not enough.

925
00:58:48,030 --> 00:58:50,550
You shake hands on that,
that's not quite enough

926
00:58:50,550 --> 00:58:53,950
because then he's gotta go talk
to his manager about it.

927
00:58:53,950 --> 00:58:57,860
He's such a good friend of
yours, that he may have gone a

928
00:58:57,860 --> 00:59:00,330
little too far, he worried.

929
00:59:00,330 --> 00:59:02,220
So, he's gotta go talk
to the manager.

930
00:59:02,220 --> 00:59:05,880
And the manager is
not your friend.

931
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:07,860
So, he's gotta go and
talk to the --

932
00:59:07,860 --> 00:59:10,100
but he's your friend, so he'll
go and fight it out

933
00:59:10,100 --> 00:59:11,390
with the manager --

934
00:59:11,390 --> 00:59:14,590
you're never invited to this
discussion, by the way.

935
00:59:14,590 --> 00:59:19,340
He goes back to talk
to the bad manager.

936
00:59:19,340 --> 00:59:21,800
And I think what they actually
do is, they chortle a little

937
00:59:21,800 --> 00:59:26,560
bit about their kids, and the
Red Sox, and stuff like that.

938
00:59:26,560 --> 00:59:31,060
And then your friend comes back,
with a sad face, and

939
00:59:31,060 --> 00:59:34,980
says, my mean, nasty, evil
manager, not quite those

940
00:59:34,980 --> 00:59:36,760
terms, won't go for it.

941
00:59:36,760 --> 00:59:40,550
We can't just can't do this.

942
00:59:40,550 --> 00:59:45,790
You and I, we could do this,
with just an extra say, $500

943
00:59:45,790 --> 00:59:47,990
of your money.

944
00:59:47,990 --> 00:59:55,240
And, because we're friends,
you put up the $500.

945
00:59:55,240 --> 00:59:58,440
I think, but, I don't know this,
but I think, the car

946
00:59:58,440 --> 01:00:01,950
dealers are explicitly -- they
know about social psychology.

947
01:00:01,950 --> 01:00:08,040
They are instructed that this is
a useful way to negotiate.

948
01:00:08,040 --> 01:00:12,680
By being your friend, by moving
the discussion from an

949
01:00:12,680 --> 01:00:16,150
economic exchange to a social
exchange, because of the

950
01:00:16,150 --> 01:00:20,230
differences in those sorts of
interactions, that can be

951
01:00:20,230 --> 01:00:26,600
exploited in a way that makes
money the for the car dealer.

952
01:00:29,130 --> 01:00:33,150
The most beautiful example of
this, in my own personal

953
01:00:33,150 --> 01:00:37,000
experience, was not at a car
dealership, but was in the

954
01:00:37,000 --> 01:00:41,970
city of Marrakesh in Morocco
where everything is

955
01:00:41,970 --> 01:00:43,740
negotiable.

956
01:00:43,740 --> 01:00:47,090
A cup of water; the price
is negotiable.

957
01:00:47,090 --> 01:00:48,990
But anyway, a lot of
haggling there.

958
01:00:48,990 --> 01:00:53,870
And, so I was there for a
conference, and we were taken

959
01:00:53,870 --> 01:00:56,570
off as a group, for
a tour of the old

960
01:00:56,570 --> 01:00:58,020
market, which is great.

961
01:00:58,020 --> 01:00:59,310
You should all go
there sometime.

962
01:00:59,310 --> 01:01:02,400
We went to a rug merchant.

963
01:01:02,400 --> 01:01:04,140
This was early in my career.

964
01:01:04,140 --> 01:01:06,230
I didn't have no money.

965
01:01:06,230 --> 01:01:07,740
So, I'm not buying any rugs.

966
01:01:07,740 --> 01:01:12,180
Because to buy rugs, it's
good to have money.

967
01:01:12,180 --> 01:01:15,770
So, I'm sitting there drinking
buckets of mint tea, which is

968
01:01:15,770 --> 01:01:18,730
what you get in Morocco
while other people are

969
01:01:18,730 --> 01:01:19,740
negotiating for rugs.

970
01:01:19,740 --> 01:01:20,650
It's kind of fun to watch.

971
01:01:20,650 --> 01:01:24,370
But at some point, some
guy decides he's going

972
01:01:24,370 --> 01:01:26,280
to sell me a rug.

973
01:01:26,280 --> 01:01:31,600
And, he's going to show me the
special rugs out back.

974
01:01:31,600 --> 01:01:34,980
So, we're going out back, we're
up the back stairs, and

975
01:01:34,980 --> 01:01:39,530
he asked me, are you Jewish?

976
01:01:39,530 --> 01:01:41,730
My mother brought me
up to be honest.

977
01:01:41,730 --> 01:01:43,060
Yes, I'm Jewish.

978
01:01:43,060 --> 01:01:45,900
The next thing you know, we're
hugging and kissing, because

979
01:01:45,900 --> 01:01:47,640
he's Jewish too.

980
01:01:47,640 --> 01:01:49,870
Last week, I think he
was a Methodist.

981
01:01:49,870 --> 01:01:57,150
But, in any case, so now we're
friends, of course.

982
01:01:57,150 --> 01:01:59,760
Not friends, I mean, we're
practically blood relations.

983
01:01:59,760 --> 01:02:05,560
He shows me only rugs woven
by Jewish virgins.

984
01:02:08,580 --> 01:02:10,080
How do you know this
is the case?

985
01:02:10,080 --> 01:02:12,440
Well, they've got this six
pointed star on them, as he

986
01:02:12,440 --> 01:02:13,050
points out.

987
01:02:13,050 --> 01:02:15,440
Well, it turns out that every
rug in Morocco seems to have

988
01:02:15,440 --> 01:02:16,530
six pointed stars on it.

989
01:02:16,530 --> 01:02:17,660
But never mind.

990
01:02:17,660 --> 01:02:20,860
Plus, the guy has also taking
his intro psych class, and he

991
01:02:20,860 --> 01:02:23,540
knows about forced choice psycho
physics, rather than

992
01:02:23,540 --> 01:02:26,670
saying do you like this rug,
what he's doing is holding up

993
01:02:26,670 --> 01:02:30,340
two rugs, and saying which
one do you like better?

994
01:02:30,340 --> 01:02:32,410
So, you gotta give
an answer, right?

995
01:02:32,410 --> 01:02:33,170
I like that one better.

996
01:02:33,170 --> 01:02:33,530
OK.

997
01:02:33,530 --> 01:02:34,500
Goes in the stack.

998
01:02:34,500 --> 01:02:37,510
By the time we're playing this
game a little while, not only

999
01:02:37,510 --> 01:02:40,190
does he have the theory that I'm
buying a rug, I'm buying a

1000
01:02:40,190 --> 01:02:42,120
stack of rugs.

1001
01:02:42,120 --> 01:02:44,620
But I still don't
have any money.

1002
01:02:44,620 --> 01:02:47,790
And, so I remember what
it said in guide book.

1003
01:02:47,790 --> 01:02:53,590
In the guide book, it said go to
the state store, because at

1004
01:02:53,590 --> 01:02:56,960
the state store, they only mark
up, by fifty percent.

1005
01:02:56,960 --> 01:03:00,010
And, so you the price you're
looking for is to negotiate

1006
01:03:00,010 --> 01:03:02,310
down by about fifty
percent, and then

1007
01:03:02,310 --> 01:03:04,200
everybody will be happy.

1008
01:03:04,200 --> 01:03:07,590
So, I remember this, and we're
in the state rug store, I know

1009
01:03:07,590 --> 01:03:08,520
what I'm going to do.

1010
01:03:08,520 --> 01:03:12,020
I'll offer this guy 10%
of his asking price.

1011
01:03:12,020 --> 01:03:15,810
He'll be so offended, that
he throws me out.

1012
01:03:15,810 --> 01:03:16,340
All right.

1013
01:03:16,340 --> 01:03:17,690
So I offer him 10%.

1014
01:03:17,690 --> 01:03:20,910
And, he accepts.

1015
01:03:20,910 --> 01:03:26,240
Now, you want to violate both
the borders of social and

1016
01:03:26,240 --> 01:03:32,000
economic exchange, backing off
your own offer, is really,

1017
01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:32,950
really rude.

1018
01:03:32,950 --> 01:03:34,870
And, at that point,
he threw me out.

1019
01:03:34,870 --> 01:03:35,480
Which is too bad.

1020
01:03:35,480 --> 01:03:37,560
I probably should just maxed
out the credit card.

1021
01:03:37,560 --> 01:03:38,800
I think I probably
had a pretty good

1022
01:03:38,800 --> 01:03:39,760
deal at that point.

1023
01:03:39,760 --> 01:03:44,250
But, in any case, it was another
beautiful example of

1024
01:03:44,250 --> 01:03:49,970
trying to use the rules of
social exchange, not to

1025
01:03:49,970 --> 01:03:53,970
mention half a dozen other bits
of applied psychology, to

1026
01:03:53,970 --> 01:03:57,270
close and economic deal.

1027
01:03:57,270 --> 01:03:59,820
I think all my friends who came
back saying I got him

1028
01:03:59,820 --> 01:04:03,620
down to only 50% of the price
probably made a bunch of

1029
01:04:03,620 --> 01:04:07,140
people really, really happy.

1030
01:04:07,140 --> 01:04:15,330
The last thing I want to mention
here, is one last

1031
01:04:15,330 --> 01:04:17,310
problem in social exchange.

1032
01:04:17,310 --> 01:04:23,380
That's the problem of vastly
unequal and inevitably unequal

1033
01:04:23,380 --> 01:04:24,370
relationships.

1034
01:04:24,370 --> 01:04:27,910
There are relationships out
there that are simply not

1035
01:04:27,910 --> 01:04:30,500
going to be reciprocal.

1036
01:04:30,500 --> 01:04:36,670
One of the clear examples, are
parent- child relationships.

1037
01:04:36,670 --> 01:04:39,700
Like even if you're thinking
strict economic terms, how

1038
01:04:39,700 --> 01:04:43,520
much money have your parents
put into you?

1039
01:04:43,520 --> 01:04:48,230
How much money have you
put into your parents?

1040
01:04:48,230 --> 01:04:50,550
And it doesn't get any better
by the time you're my age.

1041
01:04:54,390 --> 01:05:00,100
It's inevitably a relationship
that is going to be unequal,

1042
01:05:00,100 --> 01:05:03,900
and that produces, as you may
have noticed at various stages

1043
01:05:03,900 --> 01:05:07,930
in your life, a sense of
discomfort about that

1044
01:05:07,930 --> 01:05:09,650
inequality.

1045
01:05:09,650 --> 01:05:10,920
How do you deal with it?

1046
01:05:10,920 --> 01:05:12,960
There are lots of ways
to deal with it.

1047
01:05:12,960 --> 01:05:15,940
And social exchange theory is
not capable of predicting

1048
01:05:15,940 --> 01:05:18,530
which one to chose
at this point.

1049
01:05:18,530 --> 01:05:23,130
But you know, for example, a
very typical early adolescence

1050
01:05:23,130 --> 01:05:27,130
one is the assertion to one's
parents, you've never did

1051
01:05:27,130 --> 01:05:29,280
nothing for me.

1052
01:05:29,280 --> 01:05:38,730
No rational 13 year old in the
bits of some fight, you never

1053
01:05:38,730 --> 01:05:39,600
did nothing for me.

1054
01:05:39,600 --> 01:05:40,300
OK.

1055
01:05:40,300 --> 01:05:43,170
Where did the food come from?

1056
01:05:43,170 --> 01:05:45,630
Well, yeah, you did that, but.

1057
01:05:45,630 --> 01:05:48,370
It's not a logical statement,
but it's a statement that

1058
01:05:48,370 --> 01:05:51,120
attempts to balance the accounts
in some fashion.

1059
01:05:51,120 --> 01:05:53,620
It's a way of dealing with
this feeling that the

1060
01:05:53,620 --> 01:05:58,740
relationship is unequal.

1061
01:05:58,740 --> 01:06:05,030
There are the parental --

1062
01:06:05,030 --> 01:06:07,890
how many how many of you have
heard, at some point, the line

1063
01:06:07,890 --> 01:06:11,320
from your parents that one
day, you should have

1064
01:06:11,320 --> 01:06:13,380
a child like you?

1065
01:06:13,380 --> 01:06:18,320
Or words to that effect?

1066
01:06:18,320 --> 01:06:22,080
That's another sense in which
this can be balanced.

1067
01:06:22,080 --> 01:06:27,090
The parental notion that the
accounts will be balanced when

1068
01:06:27,090 --> 01:06:32,010
your children do unto you
as you have done.

1069
01:06:32,010 --> 01:06:33,470
And, guess what?

1070
01:06:33,470 --> 01:06:35,860
Your parents are right.

1071
01:06:35,860 --> 01:06:41,840
And, can you remember thinking,
at some point, that

1072
01:06:41,840 --> 01:06:43,290
you're never--

1073
01:06:43,290 --> 01:06:45,810
should you ever have children,
--you're never going to say

1074
01:06:45,810 --> 01:06:49,540
anything as stupid, to
your own children.

1075
01:06:49,540 --> 01:06:53,250
Oh one perfectly lovely concrete
example, why do I

1076
01:06:53,250 --> 01:06:55,110
have to do this?

1077
01:06:55,110 --> 01:06:59,880
The parental answer to which
is, because I said so.

1078
01:06:59,880 --> 01:07:03,180
Have you heard the little voice
in your head promising

1079
01:07:03,180 --> 01:07:05,190
that you will never
say anything that

1080
01:07:05,190 --> 01:07:07,980
lame to your own kids.

1081
01:07:07,980 --> 01:07:10,920
Guess what?

1082
01:07:10,920 --> 01:07:14,150
It's very grim.

1083
01:07:14,150 --> 01:07:16,750
And, you can just sit there
listening to yourself as you

1084
01:07:16,750 --> 01:07:19,490
say it, and say, oh god, I
said I'd never do that.

1085
01:07:19,490 --> 01:07:22,760
All right.

1086
01:07:22,760 --> 01:07:26,080
Beyond that realm, what do you
do about these unequal

1087
01:07:26,080 --> 01:07:27,120
relationships?

1088
01:07:27,120 --> 01:07:29,640
Last thought, there's an
interesting thought that comes

1089
01:07:29,640 --> 01:07:33,260
out of Roger Brown's book,
Social Psychology, a

1090
01:07:33,260 --> 01:07:37,190
beautifully written textbook
on social psychology.

1091
01:07:37,190 --> 01:07:41,050
He talks about the central
exchanged in social exchange.

1092
01:07:41,050 --> 01:07:47,180
The argument is that not all of
the interactions needs to

1093
01:07:47,180 --> 01:07:52,780
be between you and the person
with whom you were having a

1094
01:07:52,780 --> 01:07:55,080
relationship at this
particular moment.

1095
01:07:55,080 --> 01:07:58,640
There can be a bank.

1096
01:07:58,640 --> 01:08:01,020
Here's the experimental
evidence.

1097
01:08:01,020 --> 01:08:03,110
A bit of experimental evidence;
last little two by

1098
01:08:03,110 --> 01:08:04,480
two on there.

1099
01:08:04,480 --> 01:08:07,840
And, in my new free nickel
will do just fine.

1100
01:08:07,840 --> 01:08:11,420
It's becoming at slightly
archaic example, because most

1101
01:08:11,420 --> 01:08:14,720
people don't use phone booths
anymore, but, you still know

1102
01:08:14,720 --> 01:08:16,330
what a phone booth is, right?

1103
01:08:16,330 --> 01:08:20,540
You go into a phone booth, the
first thing you do, before

1104
01:08:20,540 --> 01:08:25,190
dialing the number or anything
is to check what?

1105
01:08:25,190 --> 01:08:27,440
Not if you have a quarter.

1106
01:08:27,440 --> 01:08:29,650
Is there a quarter in
the change slot.

1107
01:08:29,650 --> 01:08:30,080
Right?

1108
01:08:30,080 --> 01:08:33,630
Everybody goes and check that
little change slot.

1109
01:08:33,630 --> 01:08:37,450
And, oh, I just changed
her life.

1110
01:08:37,450 --> 01:08:38,250
Check next time.

1111
01:08:38,250 --> 01:08:39,430
Sometimes there's
a quarter there.

1112
01:08:39,430 --> 01:08:40,460
It's really good.

1113
01:08:40,460 --> 01:08:45,890
Anyway, we can use this
two by two here.

1114
01:08:45,890 --> 01:08:54,280
What this experiment did was
to spike phone booths.

1115
01:08:54,280 --> 01:08:56,630
They put quarters in
the phone booth.

1116
01:08:56,630 --> 01:08:59,680
And, so you go into the
phone booth, and some

1117
01:08:59,680 --> 01:09:03,700
people got a coin.

1118
01:09:03,700 --> 01:09:09,000
And some people didn't
get a coin.

1119
01:09:09,000 --> 01:09:12,610
This is not a big change in
your life, but it is an

1120
01:09:12,610 --> 01:09:14,420
unreciprecated good.

1121
01:09:14,420 --> 01:09:18,820
You're getting this good, but
you can't say, I gotta go do

1122
01:09:18,820 --> 01:09:21,400
something to the guy who
gave me a quarter.

1123
01:09:21,400 --> 01:09:21,900
Can't work.

1124
01:09:21,900 --> 01:09:24,140
So, here's what happens next.

1125
01:09:24,140 --> 01:09:25,590
You come out of the phone
booth, having

1126
01:09:25,590 --> 01:09:27,080
made your phone call.

1127
01:09:27,080 --> 01:09:31,190
And, as you're walking out a
woman comes by and she trips.

1128
01:09:31,190 --> 01:09:33,610
And her stuff goes all
over the place.

1129
01:09:33,610 --> 01:09:35,440
The question is do help her?

1130
01:09:38,610 --> 01:09:44,500
And, the data are, from this
particular experiment, so it's

1131
01:09:44,500 --> 01:09:51,390
help and no help.

1132
01:09:51,390 --> 01:09:54,140
Of the people who got
a coin in this

1133
01:09:54,140 --> 01:09:57,950
particular study, 14 helped.

1134
01:09:57,950 --> 01:09:58,800
1 didn't.

1135
01:09:58,800 --> 01:10:05,250
Of the people who didn't get a
coin, so this is the bulk of

1136
01:10:05,250 --> 01:10:09,820
the population as a whole,
2 people helped.

1137
01:10:09,820 --> 01:10:13,710
And 24 didn't.

1138
01:10:13,710 --> 01:10:17,290
So, now that's very
interesting.

1139
01:10:17,290 --> 01:10:24,330
That suggests that just getting
that coin produced

1140
01:10:24,330 --> 01:10:29,740
what Brown would see as a an
effort to reciprocate to the

1141
01:10:29,740 --> 01:10:32,140
world more generally.

1142
01:10:32,140 --> 01:10:35,130
Now, that's a big effect.

1143
01:10:35,130 --> 01:10:41,960
Does this mean that we could
make the world a better place

1144
01:10:41,960 --> 01:10:44,890
by mailing everybody
a quarter?

1145
01:10:44,890 --> 01:10:46,180
Doesn't sound right.

1146
01:10:46,180 --> 01:10:48,750
Now the experimental evidence
that it's not right comes from

1147
01:10:48,750 --> 01:10:50,620
another version of
this experiment.

1148
01:10:50,620 --> 01:10:51,750
You're at home.

1149
01:10:51,750 --> 01:10:56,900
Somebody rings the doorbell and
says, I'm new in town, I'm

1150
01:10:56,900 --> 01:10:58,560
setting up a new company.

1151
01:10:58,560 --> 01:11:00,410
We're going to sell paper.

1152
01:11:00,410 --> 01:11:04,780
I wanted you to have
this stationary.

1153
01:11:04,780 --> 01:11:05,850
Nice stationary.

1154
01:11:05,850 --> 01:11:06,550
Thanks.

1155
01:11:06,550 --> 01:11:07,930
Bye.

1156
01:11:07,930 --> 01:11:11,140
Shortly thereafter, you
get a phone call.

1157
01:11:11,140 --> 01:11:16,240
Somebody on the phone says,
is so and so there?

1158
01:11:16,240 --> 01:11:17,440
No, you got the wrong number.

1159
01:11:17,440 --> 01:11:18,290
Oh no!

1160
01:11:18,290 --> 01:11:21,120
I'm in a phone booth.

1161
01:11:21,120 --> 01:11:22,280
I don't have any more money.

1162
01:11:22,280 --> 01:11:26,620
Could you please call Fred
and tell them I'll be

1163
01:11:26,620 --> 01:11:27,500
home late or something.

1164
01:11:27,500 --> 01:11:29,310
I don't remember what the exact
story is, but it's a

1165
01:11:29,310 --> 01:11:32,500
request to do a favor.

1166
01:11:32,500 --> 01:11:38,070
If you just got the phone call,
no paper involved, only

1167
01:11:38,070 --> 01:11:42,700
12% of people were willing
to do this favor.

1168
01:11:42,700 --> 01:11:46,530
If you got the paper, and you
got a phone call five minutes

1169
01:11:46,530 --> 01:11:51,860
later, 80% of people complied.

1170
01:11:51,860 --> 01:11:56,850
But, if you've got the paper,
and, were called 20 minutes

1171
01:11:56,850 --> 01:12:01,030
later, it dropped
back down to 12.

1172
01:12:01,030 --> 01:12:05,370
So, it produced a little
bump of good feeling.

1173
01:12:05,370 --> 01:12:08,390
Now, what we don't know, because
you can't really do

1174
01:12:08,390 --> 01:12:10,840
the experiment, is whether this
means that the central

1175
01:12:10,840 --> 01:12:14,490
exchange idea is trivial, and
is a very short lived teeny

1176
01:12:14,490 --> 01:12:18,220
phenomenon, or if you live a
life where much bigger good

1177
01:12:18,220 --> 01:12:21,500
things happen to you, or for
that matter, bad things.

1178
01:12:21,500 --> 01:12:26,310
Do you end up with an account
at the central exchange.

1179
01:12:26,310 --> 01:12:30,110
If life is good in general, do
you feel a central exchange

1180
01:12:30,110 --> 01:12:32,120
obligation to be
good to others?

1181
01:12:32,120 --> 01:12:36,870
If life is bad, in general, do
you feel a need to trip people

1182
01:12:36,870 --> 01:12:39,160
and watch the folders fly?